Special Review Post: In Which Mary and Elizabeth Re-Watch SPICE WORLD!

 

Flipping through Elizabeth’s DVDs the other day, I came across SPICE WORLD. She claimed it was a gift. I didn’t believe her, until she added that it was a 21st birthday gift. More plausible! Anyways, I suggested we watch it and was met with the following reply: “Spice World is surprisingly bad, you know.”

!!! The word “surprisingly” aside, I saw this as a challenge. And, as Barney Stinson would say, “Challenge accepted!” So we sat down last night for a rewatching of this classic slice of the late  1990s. The following are our thoughts, recorded stream-of-consciousness style as we watched.

-Mary and Elizabeth

The opening credits are like a Bond movie! Gone wrong! Oh wait, that’s on purpose?! Watching this movie is going to be more complicated than I thought…

I had the exact same thought about it being James Bond-esque… I guess it really is on purpose.

How many Mels are there in the world? What are the chances? Mel B? Mel C? Thank goodness for the nicknames.

OMG: Alan Cumming.   

I couldn’t resist this one…

  Is Alan Cumming in like all bad band movies? Think Josie and The Pussycats, though I actually love that movie. I always watch it with the same person who gave me Spice World. (It really was a gift!)

OMG plus a million: Roger Moore. He’s like my third favorite Bond!

Moore Bond? (Sorry about the pun. Couldn’t resist) I think he’s my fourth favorite but only because I have a slight and completely unexplainable obsession with Timothy Dalton. I think I can safely call it slight because it still only gets him into my third place for favorite Bonds.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sporty Spice can sing! Wait, all of them can sing! Why was I not aware of this before?

I love an Elton John cameo (or even mention, ahem Love Actually). Also, if I ran into Elton John in a hallway, I would totally compliment his glasses too.

Awwww

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I forgot Scary Spice had horns. How did I forget the horns?

Scary Spice has the WORST hair throughout the movie, though I also abhor Ginger’s highlights! Also, why is Sporty spice always wearing a sports bra/ bandeau or a puffy parka? Does she not have any clothing options in between those?

Who is that actor who looks like John Goodman? It’s not him, but I am inevitably reminded of King Ralph, which is seriously under-discussed. Wait no, it’s Norm from Cheers. Thanks IMDB. I’m still posting a picture of King Ralph.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

These backflashes are really hard to follow. I think I’ll just tune out… [Edited to add later: FLASHBACKS. I meant FLASHBACKS. Spice World is making me dumber.] And the dream sequences. Are these dream sequences? I don’t know what to call them.

Sidebar: Would I have picked Posh as the future most famous Spice Girl back then? No way! She’s so stiff! And awkward! And definitely the worst actress. I’m not sure if that’s saying much at this point, just thought I’d note it. Also, why does she always do that hand thing? If you see the movie or probably any spice girls picture, she is constantly doing this weird pointy thing…

Gratuitous picture of Mr. Posh Spice

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Elizabeth has just pointed out that they are now singing “Say You’ll Be There” in front of their pregnant friend who just admitted that her baby daddy left her. This seems insensitive. Good call, Ebeth! Also: Elizabeth is the only person I know who actually listens to – and internalizes! – Spice Girls lyrics. And I still know them all too!

There’s an evil newspaperman! Cue inevitable comparison to Newsies. Sigh.

I sort of got Christian Bale in there too!

 

 

 

 

 

I’d forgotten how Ginger Spice was all feminist spice. I am enjoying the girl power references. And she did contribute to the greatest fight scene in modern film-making history, so points for that!

My fave quote “We know how we’ve come this far. Strength and power and a Wonder Bra.” Also, later on someone says “may god have mercy on your lip gloss.”

I am beginning to understand why Roger Moore agreed to participate in this movie. He has the best weird lines ever and always has a creepy pet sidekick. How could he lose? I’m glad somebody understands the reason…

(That’s a creepy cat in the foreground)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

They are now singing on a speedboat with a couple young girls. Given the movie’s trajectory, this is the least random thing they could possibly be doing. Except then the boat dumps some of them in, and Sporty Spice dives to the rescue. Only the dive is a little awkward. Alan Cumming dives in too (because why wouldn’t he?) and I think his dive is slightly more graceful. I’m pretty sure Alan Cumming’s character was accidentally knocked into the water… still more graceful though. 

Posh after being dumped in the water: “This dress is dry clean only!” This line is slightly less ridiculous because my friend in high school, let’s call her “A,” yelled this as she was being thrown into the water at a boy’s birthday party once. And she was 17.

Why are there balconies everywhere they go? Seriously, even the bus has one. I beginning to wonder if they prefer to be filmed from above or something.

Just realized their bus driver is played by Meat Loaf. The excitement just keeps coming!

Meat Loaf!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Roger Moore’s pet cat is now a pet pig. And he’s stroking it.

The girls are having a flashback to a restaurant and some guy named Brian is played by the dad from Wives and Daughters! (Available on Netflix Instant if you’re in a period piece kind of mood!) They are now singing Wannabe in said restaurant. This scene is not unlike the karaoke bar-type settings in which I commonly belt out Wannabe. Points for realism, girls!

BEST CAMEO YET: Stephen Fry! Playing a judge! LOVE him. That is all.

This is actually from something else, but the hair made it seem appropriate.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Oooh, now the fabulous union jack double-decker bus is driving all over London! Buckingham Palace! Tower Bridge! Prince William reference which would certainly be a reference to Prince Harry with an added wink if they filmed this today! Who needs a trip to England when I have Spice World!

Ebeth and I both squeal when we see them running up stairs and recognize the Rocky theme. I think that shows how impressively eclectic our tastes really are. We also keep recognizing all the cameos. And some of them are not easy. 

Roger Moore is now feeding the baby pig out of a baby bottle. This is really creepy, although why should it be?

Small subplot involving their managers maybe secretly longing for each other? Love these subplots, but prefer Chasing Liberty. And Jeremy Piven. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

They are performing and dancing and all I can think is how Justin Timberlake really raised the bar for concert choreography. Or at least I’m giving him credit in my head. Maybe that’s wrong. Anyways this dancing would not cut it in today’s Bieber-maniacal world! 

How did they get all these people to be in this movie? Seriously! Alan Cumming, Elton John, Roger Moore, Meat Loaf, Stephen Fry, Hugh Laurie, Elvis Costello and probably a few I didn’t recognize… Woah!

Also, I think my biggest problem with this movie was that I kept expecting it to make sense at some point–the movie within a movie, the pregnant friend who just shows up randomly, the ALIENS (I didn’t remember that part to say the least. And Zenon Girl of the Twenty-First Century does it better), the evil newspaperman, boot camp…

Final thoughts: this movie was terrible. But HOW DID I MISS THE REUNION TOUR?! Sob. Agreed on both accounts!